Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
