ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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