You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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