I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
