my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and you said cock pushups were impossible
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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