girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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