Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
