I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize