some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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