He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
