How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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