Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
