And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There are leaves in my underwear?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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