I don't remember. Are we still dating?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
