I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Actions speak louder than pants.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
