So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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