whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
