he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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