On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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