So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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