He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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