i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
