It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
