Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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