I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
