For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
