he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
