Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
