im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
