I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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