Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
