i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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