I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
