My nipple is on Facebook.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
