And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
