i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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