meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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