im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
