maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
