The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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