Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
