Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
