im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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