I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
