I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
