I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
