I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
