I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
