I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
