Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
