the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize