Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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