Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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