Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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