it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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