you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
