3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
