Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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