i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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