This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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