I wannas sexs uuuuu
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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