When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The beer is more important than you right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
