Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
