blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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