Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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