Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
one might say we're banned from that church
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize