girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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