even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
